10 best ‘Gilmore Girls’ quotes from Paris Geller for any insulting occasion

What better way to celebrate the arrival of the highly-anticipated Netflix Gilmore Girls revival than with a post highlighting one of the series most iconic characters: Paris Geller. The unforgettable Paris was played by Passaic native and current star of NBC’s How to Get Away with Murder star Liza Weil.

The 39-year-old mother of one perfected the role like no one else could, from her facial expression that could make a priest cry to her quick one-liners that ultimately turned out to be insults. Paris was the one character you could hate one minute and fall in love with the next, let’s just say our relationship with her is complicated.

This list highlights 10 of our favorite quotes from the Chilton Prepatory graduate, revealing the Paris Geller living inside of all of us:

When someone asks a dumb question

College student: Is it raining?
Paris: No, it’s National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes idiot!


When you want someone to hurry up and get to the point

Paris: You’re only doing 135 WPM.
Rory: WPM?
Paris: Words Per Minute. That’s slow.
Rory: That’s not slow.
Paris: It’s Jimmy Bob slow.
Rory: I talk normally.
Paris: For the average Willie Nelson roadie, yes, but not for a winning-debate team member.


When you haven’t had your morning coffee yet

Rory: You’re out of breath.
Lane: There were incredibly slow people in the coffee line and I promised to wake Paris. (walks over to Paris’ bed)
Lane: Up and at em’.
Paris: Die!
Lane: I got you a triple expresso that I’m going to put right here out of reach so that sleepy head has to get up to get it.
Paris: Die twice!


When you nonchalantly crush on your best friend’s relative

Rory: My grandfather introduced you to him. Do you see how awkward this is for me?
Paris: Well, hot men tend to run in packs.

 


When you don’t trust everyone’s cooking

Rory: Hey, I’m glad you guys came!
Paris: We had to stop and eat first, just in case the food here sucked.

 


When you refuse to act desperate  

Madeline: We found that if we kiss each other, we can get anything we want from guys.
Louise: A few drinks, food…
Madeline: T-shirts, boat rides, frisbees…
Louise: Earrings…
Rory: Okay, well that is a good tip.
Paris: Maybe later I’ll pants you for an Altoid.

 


When bae is getting on your nerves, but then says something cute

Doyle: You look so hot when you find me annoying.
Paris: Then I must be Gisele Bündchen to you 24/7.

 


When you try to mask your love for food

Paris: I ordered food for 10 and didn’t wan’t the delivery guy looking at me like I was a hog. I don’t need to display my pathetic-ness to the world.

 


When you overanalyze anything and everything

Paris: In the moments just before the act, we were actually discussing modern day Marxism in America, which is not what I would’ve deemed a come-and-get-it conversation, but nevertheless, he came and got it. Now I have to figure out what that means to me on a psychological level. So I thought maybe if you and I could have a healthy debate about it, I could come to some sort of reasonable conclusion about how I should be feeling right now.

 


When someone tries to hit on you at the bar, but you’re completely uninterested

Jack: Hi I’m Jack.
Paris: I’m Paris.
Jack: Did your parents travel a lot?
Paris: Why?
Jack: Well, your name is Paris.
Paris: No, did your parents change flat tires a lot or plug phones into the wall a lot?
Jack: No.
Paris: Great! So, we’ve cleared up that mystery. What’s next on your fascinating list of talking points?